Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Today has been hard. Not sure why I was so emotional. I had a fun weekend with the family this weekend. We went to the cabin and then went through Yellowstone park.

Artist point
Posing with Grandma
Emmett not liking the overlook. He has a worried look in all the pictures.

Ever since Bren's surgery I have been different. When I returned home it was so good to be back. But know I feel like I lost a part of me and have forgotten how to be a mom/wife for a family of 6. I can't seem to get anything done. My house is a mess. I know we all say that but really it is disgusting. I am so embarrassed for any visitors. I forgot how and what to cook for dinner. I have no energy and just want to sleep all the time. I wish they had rehab for moms who have gone through traumatic stress situations and slowly introduce them back into there "normal" lives.

St. Anthony loving the awesome tank!
I am tired of always worrying and wish I was able to move on and accept my new life. Its funny to think back and I thought life was hard. Boy was I wrong I would love to have that life back. We seem to wish for what we had instead of make the best of what we have.

 I went to bed and had a goal of going through the clothes and getting rid of a lot of them and well accomplished nothing. I went to the Dr. to get my bp checked just to confirm it is still too high. I am feeling irritated about that.

I went to lunch with my dearest friend. I love her so much. I couldn't hold back tears I didn't know were there and well haven't been able to stop them. She is such a special lady and I love her so much. She sat there and let me spill my problems to her. She has had more then her fair share of trials as well. Yet she is so positive and faithful. She is such an inspiration and I look up to her so much.
I have been feeling like such a failure lately. Well all the time actually and I wish I could be back to my old self.

Tomorrow is Brendan's eeg and we get to stay up all night. So I am mean and making him clean his room. It is nice to only have him to focus on when he does it. During the day I don't have the patience and end up yelling at the poor guy. He is not thrilled but at least when he is done he is excited and proud of himself. Maybe I should do this with each of the kids. haha. Well now would be a good time to tackle my daunting clothes sorting.